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My Irrational Fear of Frogs

Exodus 8

1Then the LORD said to Moses, “Go to Pharaoh and say to him, ‘Thus says the LORD: Let my people go, so that they may worship me. 2If you refuse to let them go, I will plague your whole country with frogs. 3The river shall swarm with frogs; they shall come up into your palace, into your bedchamber and your bed, and into the houses of your officials and of your people, and into your ovens and your kneading bowls. 4The frogs shall come up on you and on your people and on all your officials.'” 5And the LORD said to Moses, “Say to Aaron, ‘Stretch out your hand with your staff over the rivers, the canals, and the pools, and make frogs come up on the land of Egypt.'” 6So Aaron stretched out his hand over the waters of Egypt; and the frogs came up and covered the land of Egypt. 7But the magicians did the same by their secret arts, and brought frogs up on the land of Egypt.

Frogs are a biblical plague. Look, I didn’t make this stuff up. It’s right there in the Bible. When God wanted to show off how awful She could make things, She flooded a whole nation with frogs because that’s basically the worst thing that could possibly happen in the history of ever.

My family moved out into the ‘burbs when I was nine. One of our family friends helped with the initial move. The house has an in-ground pool that had been in without much maintenance when we moved in (a pattern that would become recurring). Our “friend” fished a frog out of the pool and put it right in my face. That’s when the terror began.

Several years later, I fished a frog out of the pool and a toad off of the back patio. I kept them in an aquarium. I thought that keeping them as pets would help me to get over my fear. Instead, I learned that amphibians do not need much human interaction to survive and that it’s difficult to clean an aquarium when you are frightened of its inhabitants.

I am irrationally afraid of frogs. I was never molested by frog in my youth. No frog owes me money. Other than the general deadness around the eyes that they all exhibit, no frog has ever looked at me funny. I don’t think I’ve ever been in very close proximity to any particularly poisonous species. Logically, I understand that I am much bigger than a frog (except for that one in my nightmares), I’m much stronger than a frog (again, nightmares), and I can outsmart a frog and they are quicker than I am which means that unless they are chasing me (NIGHTMARES!!!), there is no reason for our paths to cross.

Have you ever seen “Leonard, Part 6”? It’s a horrible movie starring Bill Cosby as a super spy. In it, the main villain can control animals and uses a… herd?.. flock?…murder? Yes, a murder of frogs to hop a car into a lake and send the driver to his death. Terrifying!

I do love Kermit, but there really is no hard evidence that he’s not a lizard. Lizards, by the way, don’t terrify me. I’m not fond of snakes, but I have a healthy respect for them. It’s just frogs. And toads. Toads are just frogs that don’t even have the decency to be slimy. They are gross. They are an abomination. They are a plague of biblical proportions.

Some things are just like this, right? We get in our heads about things that aren’t really so scary or something just aesthetically disagrees with us so we create an aversion to it. That’s me with frogs. I confess that I am irrationally afraid of frogs. Forgive me, God. I know that they are part of your design, blah, blah, blah… but You used them as a plague, not me!


About derricklweston

Father of two. I co-host God Complex Radio, a show highlighting progressive voices in the faith community. (godcomplexradio.com) I am an ordained minister in the Presbyterian Church USA. I like lots of stuff. Sometimes I write about that stuff.


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