I am tired. That doesn’t seem like much of an affirmation, but I’m tired because I’m working hard. I’m tired because I’m extending myself in new ways, meeting new people, and learning about a new city. I’m tired because I’m doing hard work on myself. I’m tired because the work of rebuilding a life is hard work. I’m tired because repentance is exhausting. So, I affirm the ways that I am using my time and energy these days. I think I’m doing more good than harm and there have definitely been times in recent weeks, months, and years when I haven’t been able to say that.
And I affirm my ability to influence people. That influence can be for good or for ill. I affirm my desire to use that influence for good. And I affirm my willingness to be called out when I might be using my influence to selfish ends.
Today, I am grateful for people who call me out on my bullshit. I am grateful for people who offer me grace. I grateful for all of the many people who love me in a myriad of different ways. I am grateful to once again work for an organization that has a big vision for the city. I am grateful for the folks who laid the foundation at Greater Homewood. As I listened to some of the former executive directors today, I felt grateful to be a small part of their legacy. I am grateful for the fierce women with whom I had breakfast this morning. I am grateful for other fierce women in my life who try to care for and protect me. I am grateful for a weekend. I am grateful for the hilarious woman at the Chinese restaurant and for the little community that formed as we waited for our food.
I’m grateful that finding things for which to be grateful is getting much easier. Something in me is changing…