Advent has been exhausting for me. I expected all of the additional church activity. I didn’t expect all of the additional crises, both in my world and in the world around me. It’s funny how the pain in the world feels amplified this time of year. This has been an unusually sad feeling season this year. Unlike last year, it’s less my own sadness and more the angst of those who are around me. In some ways, that is far worse.
There’s something to waiting with joy, but at some point, you want to to stop waiting. You want that event that you are waiting to occur to just… occur already. I’m tired from the wait. Tired from the journey. Tired from the activity. Tired from the planning. I just want Christmas to come and go already. That probably sounds awful, but I really just want this thing to end.
For those who are waiting for real change, waiting for something fundamentally different, the change can’t come quickly enough. We wait for Christmas, but we’re not really waiting for Christ, not in the way that people were waiting for him 2000 years ago. Our waiting doesn’t have the urgency of those who are hungry, waiting to be filled with good things. We don’t wait with the intensity of the lowly hoping to be exalted while waiting for the mighty to be brought down low. We talk about this joyful, hopeful waiting that we’re supposed to experience in Advent, but what about the impatience. Waiting sucks, especially when that for which you’re waiting is life changing and liberating.
I want Christmas to be here. I want Advent to be over, more for my own rest and peace of mind than for the joy of the holiday. But more than I want “Christmas”, I am impatient for Christ to be born into the world around me. I am impatient for hope, peace, joy, and love. I am impatient for this world to end in order for a new better world to be birthed in its place.
I guess that’s why I’m kinda rooting for the Mayans to be right….